Santa Lucia

I am not a big fan of the name Lucy. But due to the fact that I have studied Latin for more than 15 years and having lived in Rome for a couple of those years, I have learnt to like the Latin and subsequently Italian name: Lucia meaning ‘Light’. I have felt extreme happiness, generosity of spirit and love, disappointment but most of all darkness and light. This entry is not fixed with the ambition of feeling sorry for me, in actual fact I write for peace of mind.

I am not a feminist, far from it, and I am not a bitter or vengeful person but just a girl who believes in love. It seems that my willingness to give my all from the outset causes the downfall of any such ‘love’ and thus disappointment and heartache. Even though I have grown up amongst men, I have had to learn the hard way of how to interact when it comes to affairs of the heart or pure physical attraction. I am exceptionally good at giving advice but I rarely follow my own or that of others, which leads me to think that I have learnt nothing at all about the complexities, or rather the simplicities, of the male intention. ‘In amore, vince chi fugge’ is the Italian saying. This is not entirely accurate from my perspective, I believe: in amore vince chi resta. The male reasoning however is quite different: the male species adore the thrill of the chase. And once captured, the prey is tossed aside perplexed and left wanting. This is why I, the prey, am oft tossed aside. What those men do not seem to realize is that I do not appreciate such cat and mouse games and the minute this sort of event happens, I grow very tired of the situation and lose interest.

I did believe that one day there was someone out there for me and indeed for everyone. It is just a matter of time and coincidence of where you find that particular person or where that person finds you. Seek and you will find, yet on my quest I am more driven to wonder why I am not being looked for? I have been told that the day I lose the faith in fairytale endings is the day that my friends are doomed, me being the last one of us to believe in such foolishness. To be frank I am not entirely sure I can cope with that responsibility: To always act as the light and the inspiration for the cynics in this world when I find it hard to keep my own heart intact. That is to say, my heart has been known to be broken and may indeed be shattered to pieces time and time again.

Lucia, The Saint, had her eyes stabbed out. She still brings light to the faithful.