“A lady is smarter than a gentleman, maybe, she can sew a fine seam, she can have a baby, she can use her intuition instead of her brain, but she can’t fold a paper in a crowded train.” – Phyllis McGinley.
The Tube, Metro or Subway - Call it what you wish, but it is not simply a vessel to transport oneself from A to B.
There are whole new pockets of etiquette and civilization to experience on public transportation. The metal underbelly of every major city transports millions of people each day, creating a sea of little ants getting on and off trains at every stop. Here are a few of my favourite stereotyped commuters:
Businessmen in their shiny black suits with matching shiny black briefcases and shiny black shoes. Most avoid eye contact and saunter off to their proud-as-punch businessmen jobs, but unfortunately there are some who glare at me with their grumpy faces, judging me for not wearing the same funeral attire. Well I did not emerge from the corporate cookie-cutter and never plan to. I let them think that they are much more important than me as it makes them feel better about themselves.
Fat people. There is something about fat people that attracts me to them. I do not mean attract in the conventional terminology of the word, but there is something entertaining about them, sometimes really repulsive, and other times heartrending. I have nothing against the overweight population except on public transportation. I will not boast to be 100% happy with my shape but at least I do not impose it on other unsuspecting people. How it is at all acceptable to take up 2 and a half seats and then complain if a fellow bus or train commuter wants to rest their legs? If seats were designed for such amply sized people, there would only be around 5 seats available for use.
Obnoxiously loud people. Take the music being emitted from Mr. Earphones next to me for example. No one else wants to hear his damn boomboom music - whatever it is. Don’t get me wrong, I am well known for listening to music at an unhealthy volume. But I make sure it never spills over into the sacred silence of an intimate train carriage. If I can hear someone’s music through my own earphones and deafening show tunes, then there is something sincerely amok.
Mr. Newspaper. Please remove your elbows and grubby fingers away from my personal space. In future, please read your doom filled daily ink fest with your morning cheerios in the comfort of your own home before embarking on your commute.
Mrs. Red lipstick. Who is she putting this seductive lipstain on for when I’ve just seen her kiss her husband goodbye with nude lips?
Mr. Lapdance. Why are you sitting on my lap? There is plenty of room for everyone (except in the case of my second stereotype noted above) There is no reason for your thighs to be pressed up against, or indeed, on top of mine. If I wanted some sort of bizarre affection, or as I call it: invasion of personal space, I would ask for it.
Miss I’m-in-so-much-more-of-a-hurry-than-you-are. She is the one who shoves and pushes in a frantic frenzy to beat you to the exit. Well perhaps she should have set her alarm half an hour earlier?
Tourists. These are the most fun to observe. It’s like the United Nations rolled into one carriage. The multitude and diversity of fashion, language, cultural tradition, and behaviour is quite outstanding.
The Mexican/Eastern European buskers with their guitars/accordions, and the talented small boys who breakdance on the filthy floor for a single penny are the proof of entertainment one can find whilst traveling. The metro really is poor man’s stage and everyday I am treated to a new impromptu performance.
I haven’t voiced my attitude on train strikes/repairs/delays and the extortionate price of a ticket. I have been pretty tame in this entry so I have left my common opinion to be expressed in the following song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUSzB8MJNes
Open your eyes and take the time to look around next time you get on the train. Unplug yourself from your listening devices and listen. You will be offered a rather thought-provoking and emotional slice of life.
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